Have you ever felt that you don't think much of yourself and that you have trouble understanding how you feel emotionally?
Has anybody ever condemned you about the way you have felt, think, or wanted?
Has anybody ever shut you down when you talked about a topic you are interested in to the point where you have decided to not talk about anything you cared about?
Has anybody made you feel that you were insignificant, a slave and/or just around to please them?
These are some of the symptoms of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is difficult to understand because nobody can see the scars and victims have most likely switched off their capacity to feel so they can't understand what is going on, even though they know something is not right.
Victims usually like to think that the emotionally abusive partner doesn't understand what he/she is doing and it isn't their fault. But, they do know exactly what they are doing. People who bully have a very sound cognition so they are aware of what they are doing and the consequences. Their threats are designed to shut you down, so you are under them. Their aim is to feel better about themselves by making you feel worse.
The partner of the emotionally abusive person will also find it hard to talk to anybody about the situation because usually the perpetrator seems like a wonderful, helpful person outside of the family home but has a completely different character inside the home.
Victims who are in emotionally abusive relationships also think that their partners love them deeply. They also feel that no body else will ever love them the same. So they stay in the situation, because that is all they know.
If you are in this situation, learn to love yourself like nobody has ever loved you before. Learn to feel again, learn to get to know yourself (probably for the first time) and learn to discern.
I say discernment, because victims will most likely become naturally submissive and it will take effort to discern fact from fiction. If the victim gets out of an abusive relationship and finds another before they learn to discern then they will most likely be another candidate for an emotionally abusive person.
If you are the emotionally abusive partner, then learn to love yourself also. Learn to feel on the inside so you will understand what your partner is feeling. People who become abusive are usually lacking self-esteem, although very smart, and has not yet had the chance to understand who they are. Therefore they spend their years criticizing other people so they feel the same way as the perpetrator.
jb Consulting and Psychology
Counselling, consulting and eduction to improve child, adolescent & youth mental health, and parenting skills.