I am currently writing an essay about the examination of interpersonal skills. During my training sessions I constantly hear clients talking about their childhood to comprehend their current communication style or shall I say interpersonal style. Some are dismissive, some avoidant and others with conflicting behaviours.
The amount of love you give to a child will determine the amount of love they give to others when older. If a caregiver is overprotective, then the child will grow up to become too controlling and may emotionally abuse others. If the caregiver gives the child too much autonomy, then the child will avoid being close to others, distant and overly self-reliant to the point where they will become defensive if anybody tries to offer help in any way.
Therefore for your children consider how much love you give your child. When they cry do you leave them too long on their own before offering a hug for support and comfort? Are you not attentive when they are talking about their day at school or communicating when a baby? Are there blurred boundaries where the mother wants to become the friend rather than a parent? The latter will cause the child to grow up to become too controlling or passive.
How a person reacts to a situation depends on the interaction taking place. Therefore if the person feels unsafe then they may become angry only because they see the situation as a threat. Through my research I have discovered why this happens and how to turn it around, but for the moment it is important to consider that a person interacts in such a way because their environment either supports how they were brought up or doesn't. Therefore try not to be too judgemental of a communication style as it is only a response to how they see the world in their own eyes.
jb Consulting and Psychology
Counselling, consulting and eduction to improve child, adolescent & youth mental health, and parenting skills.