Anti-bullying Tips
Here are 6 useful tips to help you cope when people decide to bully you. Sometimes it can become quite difficult as you may feel that they won’t stop even if you decide to ignore them. Please use these tips as a guideline and speak to another person/counsellor for more information and talk about your situation.
Tip 1 – It’s not your fault. It is important to firstly understand that you are not being bullied because you have problems but because the other person most certainly would have had an insecure childhood where they have felt anxious about their home environment, especially around those caring for them. Their anxiety would cause them to feel anxious and/or angry when they feel that their friendships, and other people are not giving them enough attention. Therefore they decide to become hostile and manipulative, as they are not pleased with the situation. There are other people who did not receive enough care and therefore withdraw or avoid getting close to others to get their way. When somebody decides to play with your emotions, this is certainly considered bullying.
Tip 2 – Strengthen you. Now that you understand why bullying can happen you can realise that it is not you that is causing the situation, but their behaviour and/or attitude. It is up to them to change so we won’t at the moment worry about changing them. The most important aspect right now is to change how you react. Therefore consider your own behaviour and attitude and remain centred.
Tip 3 - So how do you remain centred in such a difficult situation. Meditation helps. Sit, even for a few minutes and focus on the centre of your being. Imagine a white light that is full of love in your centre and focus. This is also one type of mindfulness technique. Another mindfulness technique is whenever you are in a difficult situation focus on your breathing and the centre of your stomach. This will help you remain focused on you rather than the bully. When you are being bullied, their presence may always get in your way, even when they are not physically there.
Tip 4 – Mindfulness. It is important to also be mindful of your thoughts even when you are meditating and using mindfulness. Because you have a bully around you, you may feel that they are there even when they are not. Therefore shift your focus onto a mindfulness technique that is stated in Tip 3 and/or use the palm of your hand and imagine pushing the person away. Remember their intention is to be manipulative, controlling, passive-aggressive so they can annoy you. But it is up to you to let it. When you push their presence/energy away from you say to yourself “let them be who they need to be”. Remember you can’t control what they do and how they feel so let them be. When they are ready they will change. At the moment it is important to consider your own actions and feelings.
Tip 5 – Always acknowledge how you feel. Don’t try and push it away, busy yourself or think they are not important because they are. By acknowledging how you feel you are loving yourself and working out where they are coming from. You can then transform them into positive feelings. One technique is to use mindfulness and send the feeling of love. Use your journal to write down what is going on inside yourself including your thoughts and emotions. Get angry if you have to. Sometimes when somebody decides to bully, you can feel angry with anybody around you because you can’t comprehend why they are doing it. Tip 1 will help you understand that it is not about you but how they are feeling.
Tip 6 – Forgiveness is about respecting and loving yourself. This isn’t about telling yourself that the bully has a valid reason to intrude your life, but letting them go, and that what they have done won’t dominate how you feel or get in your way. You can say, “I hate what you have done, but I can move forward”. Forgiveness also includes letting go of trying to understand why they have hurt you and that they should suffer for it. The more you think this way the more you will suffer. Forgive them and feel free to move forward.
©2014 Josephine Borg
Tip 1 – It’s not your fault. It is important to firstly understand that you are not being bullied because you have problems but because the other person most certainly would have had an insecure childhood where they have felt anxious about their home environment, especially around those caring for them. Their anxiety would cause them to feel anxious and/or angry when they feel that their friendships, and other people are not giving them enough attention. Therefore they decide to become hostile and manipulative, as they are not pleased with the situation. There are other people who did not receive enough care and therefore withdraw or avoid getting close to others to get their way. When somebody decides to play with your emotions, this is certainly considered bullying.
Tip 2 – Strengthen you. Now that you understand why bullying can happen you can realise that it is not you that is causing the situation, but their behaviour and/or attitude. It is up to them to change so we won’t at the moment worry about changing them. The most important aspect right now is to change how you react. Therefore consider your own behaviour and attitude and remain centred.
Tip 3 - So how do you remain centred in such a difficult situation. Meditation helps. Sit, even for a few minutes and focus on the centre of your being. Imagine a white light that is full of love in your centre and focus. This is also one type of mindfulness technique. Another mindfulness technique is whenever you are in a difficult situation focus on your breathing and the centre of your stomach. This will help you remain focused on you rather than the bully. When you are being bullied, their presence may always get in your way, even when they are not physically there.
Tip 4 – Mindfulness. It is important to also be mindful of your thoughts even when you are meditating and using mindfulness. Because you have a bully around you, you may feel that they are there even when they are not. Therefore shift your focus onto a mindfulness technique that is stated in Tip 3 and/or use the palm of your hand and imagine pushing the person away. Remember their intention is to be manipulative, controlling, passive-aggressive so they can annoy you. But it is up to you to let it. When you push their presence/energy away from you say to yourself “let them be who they need to be”. Remember you can’t control what they do and how they feel so let them be. When they are ready they will change. At the moment it is important to consider your own actions and feelings.
Tip 5 – Always acknowledge how you feel. Don’t try and push it away, busy yourself or think they are not important because they are. By acknowledging how you feel you are loving yourself and working out where they are coming from. You can then transform them into positive feelings. One technique is to use mindfulness and send the feeling of love. Use your journal to write down what is going on inside yourself including your thoughts and emotions. Get angry if you have to. Sometimes when somebody decides to bully, you can feel angry with anybody around you because you can’t comprehend why they are doing it. Tip 1 will help you understand that it is not about you but how they are feeling.
Tip 6 – Forgiveness is about respecting and loving yourself. This isn’t about telling yourself that the bully has a valid reason to intrude your life, but letting them go, and that what they have done won’t dominate how you feel or get in your way. You can say, “I hate what you have done, but I can move forward”. Forgiveness also includes letting go of trying to understand why they have hurt you and that they should suffer for it. The more you think this way the more you will suffer. Forgive them and feel free to move forward.
©2014 Josephine Borg