Parenting is one job that does not come with training.  Even if it did there are challenges of generational trauma causing impaired parenting even with good training.  This leaves people feeling unloved which results in avoidant or anxious attachment styles when in a relationship.  Learning love languages is a healthy way to understand that different people have their own way of showing love.  It may be with giving their time, gifts, words of affirmation, touch or acts of service.  Parents often show acts of service when doing things for their children such as preparing lunch or cooking.  However when an adult is in a relationship and feels unloved when young and have the schema that they are "unlovable" will hear through that schema.  For example one partner may say "I'm tired from a long day at work, have a headache and need to go to bed early" may be heard by the unloved partner "I don't want to be with you as you are not good enough".  We often hear through our schema or belief system so if your partner is reacting differently to your words that did not mean harm try and understand their story through a healthy dialogue and talk about the fears such as being unloved or disapproved of.  Talk about what you like from each other and work through the challenges with a healthy dialogue.  

Having a healthy perspective can help manage debt and learning from experience can help you avoid debt in the future.  For example, ongoing budgeting, saving for an emergency fund, living within your means and being realistic about money. 

The normative principle can guide debt management and decide which to pay off first.  Most people prefer to put the same amount on all debts or according to the debt account aversion pay off the smallest debt first.  According to the normative principle, it is best to pay the minimum amount of all the debts to avoid paying fees and surcharges.  Then you would use the remaining money, if any, to reduce the debt with the highest interest rate.  When that loan is paid off then you move to the next debt with the highest interest rate.  By continuing to use the normative principle you end up paying all your debts and paying off the last with the least amount of interest rate.  

However, from a psychological point of view, consumers don't consider interest compounding and won't use the normative principle.  Instead the consumer will use a mental short cut and reduce all debts equally.  When you are paying the loan with the highest interest rate you are actually making your money work for you.  For example, if you pay a loan or credit card debt with an interest rate of 20% rather than one with 15% then you are reducing 20% on top of the debt each month and effectively paying more.  Twenty percent compounded each month adds up compared to 15%.  

Working to reduce one loan at a time while paying off the rest at the required amount will also make debt management less overwhelming as you are focused on paying one debt quicker rather than all of them. You are more likely to manage debt better by breaking up your goals to smaller subgoals. 

People often focus on reducing the smaller debt first as it offers relief that one debt is diminished when in fact it is not logical as the smaller debt's interest rate may also be smaller making debt management less effective.  However, American financial specialist Dave Ramsey advocates on consumers making some win by paying off the smaller debt to make debt management more achievable rather than paying off the one with the highest interest rate first.  

A study investigated participatants who were told about the interest rate and which debt to pay off first.  Meaning they were encouraged to pay off the debt with the highest interest rate first, however not one participant followed the financial advice and preferred to pay off the smaller debt first.  The instructions were changed from complex to simple which did not change financial behaviour.  Financial literacy did not even change behaviour. The participants made the best decision when they were not allowed to close the account.  Closing the account quickly would have offered relief but would not be the best financial decision.  Therefore, reducing the ability to pay off small debts by creating challenges with closing the accounts worked better than offering financial literacy and advice, due the debt account aversion mindset.  The participants were more focused on reducing the debts than saving money.  On the other hand at least it encouraged them to pay the debts off.  

In summary heuristics play a role in financial decision making more than financial literacy and advice.  However, while it may not be the best decision, if it motivates people to pay off debt that it is helpful.  While debt account aversion can help motivate people to reduce debt, being aware of heuristics and focusing on how to manage money more effectively is the better option.  ​