Healing the Wounded Child when in a Relationship

Parenting is one job that does not come with training.  Even if it did there are challenges of generational trauma causing impaired parenting even with good training.  This leaves people feeling unloved which results in avoidant or anxious attachment styles when in a relationship.  Learning love languages is a healthy way to understand that different people have their own way of showing love.  It may be with giving their time, gifts, words of affirmation, touch or acts of service.  Parents often show acts of service when doing things for their children such as preparing lunch or cooking.  However when an adult is in a relationship and feels unloved when young and have the schema that they are "unlovable" will hear through that schema.  For example one partner may say "I'm tired from a long day at work, have a headache and need to go to bed early" may be heard by the unloved partner "I don't want to be with you as you are not good enough".  We often hear through our schema or belief system so if your partner is reacting differently to your words that did not mean harm try and understand their story through a healthy dialogue and talk about the fears such as being unloved or disapproved of.  Talk about what you like from each other and work through the challenges with a healthy dialogue.